


Nessie's Randoms

by Nessie Collins (FlowerPrincess24)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Love Poems, Poetry, Shorts, Updated whenever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 3,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26569372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowerPrincess24/pseuds/Nessie%20Collins
Summary: random poems I wrote and decided to share





	1. 3am

Hey, I know it's late  
I'm at the place we used to  
Sorry for bothering you  
But I just need someone to talk to  
I have voices deep inside  
And they're begging me to stop the hide  
I can't keep them inside  
They're stronger everytime  
And I know it's been a while  
But I just need you beside me  
I'll take the fault every time  
If that will keep you by my side  
And I know I'm wrong for you  
But I can't seem to give up on you  
I can't be on my own  
The pain keeps getting worse  
And nothing else seems to work  
The smoke gets denser  
The drinks expensive  
The metal next to my veins  
Does nothing do ease the pain  
I know I'm too much  
But please, just for tonight  
Stay by my side  
Tell me all the right things  
Say that you are mine  
That you'll be with me all the time  
Come morning you can go back  
And I'll pretend everything's alright  
Baby it's 3 am  
So come and tell me what I am


	2. you

people come and go  
that's i tell myself  
every time i'm reminded  
that you're not coming back  
been doing everything to keep you off my mind  
taking pills that are hard to swallow all the pain  
stumbling through the night streets  
hanging out with faceless people every day  
always someone new taking your place in my bed  
but the ending is the same every time  
feel like i'm stuck at a crossroad  
between letting go and moving on  
and keeping holding on and suffer heartache  
you're fine without me  
hearing about your escapades every damn day  
as they pierce my heart  
and my mind tells me  
that all our promises of forever  
meant nothing to you  
that all they were  
was a way for you to get inside of me  
i never meant anything to you  
but you meant the world to me


	3. past

smoking  
one of my many bad habits  
used as a distraction  
for when i feel alone  
drowing in thoughts  
that are ridiculously loud  
i've gotten better  
at keeping you out of my mind  
mostly because of how stressed i am  
but in moments where i'm alone  
i just can't help myself  
indulging in our memories  
you're pictured in my head  
but the image is starting to fade  
can't remember your face anymore  
and i've never been more scared  
Hot summer kisses beneath the starry sky  
turned into collisions of bodies during the fall  
followed by nervous confessions of love  
as icy gusts of wind surrounded us in the winter  
arguments getting more intense  
as we realized we didn't want to be with anyone else  
making spring feel more serious  
but as a cruel joke  
we met our end  
Experiencing every emotion possible with you  
and then it was just gone  
and I can't help but hope it cames full circle again  
because even if I suffer through heartbreak a second time  
experiencing everything else  
even if just one more time  
is worth it in my mind


	4. reunion

You said it was what I wanted  
That it wouldn't work once you left  
That it fucking killed you when I told you  
Because it was like I didn't want to try  
That our relationship was easy for me to give up  
You're not allowed to tell me how I felt that night  
Because there was so much I wanted to say  
But it would've all been selfish  
that you didn't deserve to deal with  
Don't act like it would've worked  
We both know how you are  
Watching you fuck around for the past year  
didn't make me have any doubts about what I said


	5. world

I was just some shut-in fuckup  
But even when I had nobody  
I still had you by my side  
But you aren't enough to save me  
I don't wanna keep living for other people  
People die all the time, no matter the reason  
The world doesn't stop for that shit  
It keeps turning without mercy  
All money-hungry, looking for the next high  
It's the same for everyone  
I hate what our society stands for  
I've been doing a lot of running  
I've been running from the truth  
Trying to put it all behind me  
We all have something we're trying to hide from ourselves  
But there's only one way forward  
So take my hand if you think you have the strength to fight  
No matter what they throw at us  
Even with all our paths blocked  
We'll cut our own path  
Face what we fear most  
And chase the happiness we all deserve


	6. we

Both of us were a little shy  
Not really talking much  
I'd already given up on everything  
I thought nobody would hear me  
no matter how loud I screamed  
I thought I'd die and be forgotten  
But you listened and believed in me  
And I thought there was still hope  
If someone who should hate me so much  
could forgive my mistakes  
and love me for who I am  
Then maybe everyone else could too  
You tried to be the glue  
that held all my broken pieces together  
But I was too damaged  
and no amount of love could fix me  
It was all too much  
Not much change since then  
I've found new ways to meet the needs  
while avoiding the intimacy I'm terrified of  
A few new walls build around me  
and a hundred ways to not let anyone get too close


	7. me

Rushing towards the balcony  
throwing himself against the railing  
gasping for breath in the frigid night air  
Tears slinding down my cheeks  
as I sink onto the floor  
staring at the glow of the city below  
Wishing it would swallow me whole  
make me disappear already  
The thought of having to face  
another minute of this miserable existence  
terrifies me to the core  
Shivering in the cold  
my mind goes back to everything you gave me  
wishing i could sell it all  
but some part of me  
couldn't bear the thought of pawning it off  
Does that make me selfish  
I can't let go of it  
because I'm desperate to cling  
to some kind of proof that  
I'm something to someone out there  
that I'm more than a tiny, insignificant little speck  
in this terrifying big world  
that's never been anything but cruel  
And I hate myself for it  
so much that I don't know what else do to but cry  
Sobbing helplessly  
cursing myself for being stupid  
I'ts so cold outside  
my entire body shaking  
and I can't stop crying  
Feels like everything's closing around me  
I'm so fucking scared  
and I don't know what to do  
The city surrounds me  
as I huddle on the balcony  
looking like a vast open ocean  
and I think I'm drowning in it


	8. glad

The rain masks my tears  
don't even feel them  
they're there though  
shameful and stupid  
what a mess I made  
what a mess I became  
You were everything I could ever want  
everything that was out of my reach  
You didn't want any of my baggage  
Why would you want my scars and ruin  
Someone handsome, good and brilliant  
deserves someone whole  
Part of me relieved  
that you never got close enough  
to dip into the empty places in me  
Glad I never saw the look on your perfect face  
when you discovered what's missing and broken in me  
Part of me wishes I'd met you years before  
when my damage was manageable  
when there was more to love  
If I'd met you then  
maybe I could've been worthy


	9. love

I've got a lot of baggage  
and I know that once I break the walls down  
and you see all of me  
i'll lose you forever  
You tell me it's okay  
that you'll carry it with me  
until we find somewhere to put it  
And i believed you  
as you pull me closer  
laying my head against your chest  
my new favorite place to rest  
My poor battered heart  
not accepting that you're actually mine  
twists in my chest  
too used to feeling empty  
it's my base line, my default  
This little bit of hope  
it's too good to be true  
Running my fingers through your hair  
wondering if we should stop  
i wouldn't go home empty handed  
but an empty heart was worse  
lips like butterfly wings fluttering against my skin  
I want to tell you that you don't know enough  
to say such words  
I want to warn you  
but the fear of losing you keeps me quiet  
You capture my lips in a kiss  
having my hips seeking friction against you  
your hand slipping between our bodies  
having me beg for more  
The way you're looking at me  
tells me how much you want me  
how much you want me to want you  
like you want me  
I'm sure i'll fall in love  
and i can't let it happen  
not before you have all the pieces to my puzzle  
The only sounds being  
heavy breaths and rustling fabric  
words whispered and foreheads pressed together  
it feels like love  
I could go on like this forever  
with no fear of what's to come  
just the closeness and need i feel


	10. okay

I'm tearing up as you piece everything  
about me together  
Holding everybody at arm's length  
not letting people in  
and talking about my baggage  
certain that it would be a deal breaker  
to anyone and everyone  
You stare blankly at me, not saying a word  
It's one thing to be physically naked in front of you  
but being this laid bare  
has me more vulnerable than I ever felt  
I forgot what it was like  
to have someone know me  
to see me at my worst  
at my best and in-between  
We'll change for each other  
like it's nothing  
You'll teach me how to love  
those broken pieces of myself  
and I'll do the same for you  
Maybe this is something I can handle  
Maybe it was going to be okay


	11. underwater

By the time I realized how far underwater I was  
it was already too late to swim to the surface  
Knowing that I ruined my chances  
at being able to love once again  
and be loved in return  
hurts me more than I could've imagined  
I find myself wishing  
I could just give up  
I don't wanna do this anymore  
I can't do this anymore  
I'm exhausted and sick  
of living like this  
hardly having any will  
left inside to keep fighting


	12. sun & moon

the sun and moon still rise  
and you're no longer by me  
i'm standing by the window  
my days forming into a continuous loop  
as you're off  
jumping from country to country  
doing whatever your heart desires  
looking like you're having the best of times  
tell me, am i still in your mind  
do you still think of me  
while thousands scream your name  
does the thought of me  
still hold you when you're at your worse  
do you wish we were in each other's arms  
as i do every single day  
sun and moon  
there was no better comparison for us  
i was the moon  
rising and falling  
going through phases  
each night presenting myself as someone new  
when i'm fullest and brightest  
many would stare and forget my holes  
begging to be loved as i bent and broke the shores  
you were the sun  
rising and falling  
but so bright it could burn  
always illuminating the world  
but knowing the simplest thing  
could make you explode  
everybody loved you  
because you didn't hide in darkness like me  
as much as we longed for each other  
we only met during eclipses  
although short and sweet  
we accepted the hand of fate  
longing for the day when we'll  
feel each other's warm embrace once more  
because when you rise i fall  
that's the way it's suppose to be


	13. moon

I'm just a moon to you  
you seek for me every night  
hoping i'll light up your way  
while you walk through the darkness  
as long as i warm you in my light  
you'll forget my holes and phases  
the unsettled sea  
hitting the shores with such ferocity  
but you're willing to ignore it  
as long as i'm with you  
you love me more  
when i'm at my fullest and brightest  
i dare to dream that you  
might even care for me  
but we know better  
you just want me for the night  
and i let take anything you want  
because being wanted by someone  
was all i ever wanted


	14. pretend

you said you loved me  
you said I was forever  
come rain or shine  
we would be by each other's side  
so why is her name  
falling from your lips  
whenever you're inside of me  
you say it was a mistake  
that i'm overeacting  
that it meant nothing  
so why does it keep happening  
was i so easy to replace  
was i so easy to forget  
crying myself to sleep when you're away  
while you're wrapped in her arms  
we both hate sleeping alone  
away from each other  
but while i lay in misery  
you're in euphoria  
i'll pretend it doesn't hurt when you're around  
i'll pretend i'm still the one in your heart  
i'll lie to myself time and time again  
if it means you're still mine  
she's the one for the road  
while i'm the one you came back to


	15. euphoria

i want sensual touches  
i want us burning in desire  
basking like it's sunlight  
i want the sweet torture  
as your lips mold on mine  
whispers that make me tremble  
so deep inside of me  
i want to surrender completely  
body and soul  
i'll give everything and more  
to get that feeling of euphoria


	16. late night

feeling drops of tears on my back  
pulling me away from sleep  
seeing your watery red eyes  
looking at me with a million questions  
stroking my hand against your cheek  
silently letting you know  
that i'm here for you  
that life's going to be shit  
but i won't leave your side  
cheek leaning into the curve of my palm  
eyelashes fluttering against me  
arms pulling me close to your chest  
wrapping tightly around me  
feeling your heartbeat slowing  
into a more steady rate  
heavy breaths evening out  
i won't pull away  
slowly letting my eyes close


	17. wrong

i panic whenever your name flashes on my screen  
as soon as the bell strikes twelve fifteen  
another reminder that you shouldn't be calling at all  
alarms bells on my mind  
as i feel the ghost of your touch on my skin  
feel the press of your lips on mine  
my resolve crumbling into tiny pieces  
the deafening silence between us  
holding every lie  
every sinful desire, every shred of guilty  
that suffocates me when morning comes  
tonight, i hope you come to your senses  
the way i cannot  
need to stop this, need to say no  
need to send you home  
but then i feel your hand on my thigh  
tattooed hand rubbing my clothed flesh  
a gentle pressure soothing the unease in me  
the street lamps casting an orange glow  
shadows accentuating each of your features  
clouded longing in your eyes  
the losing battle in me reflected in your face  
can still say no, can still take me back  
can still end this before it burns  
but we're weak  
i'm already in flames and you're in ashes  
falling into your lap and crashing our lips  
moans muffled as you hungrily kiss me  
lips working expertly over my skin  
whimpering the same statement every time  
"we shouldn't be doing this"  
"i know" you say as you mouth up my neck  
remaining guilt lost in the feeling  
midnight trysts a tainted haze  
of fucked up delirium  
feels too good, pressed against each other  
it's so hard to care  
so hard to remember that it's a mistake  
"you're the most beautiful girl i've ever seen"  
you shouldn't be saying those words to me  
they aren't meant for me  
but i'll always take them  
tracing swirling ink over defined muscles  
with my palm, hand up your arm  
cupping the nape of your neck  
falling flush against you  
begging you to make me good  
make me feel better  
the way you fill me up is indescribable  
imprinting yourself within me  
it consumes me  
sending tremors through my limbs  
bliss through my veins  
sparks through my hearts  
lust flooding your eyes  
heightening the fire in my core  
it never left me needing more  
never left me hopeless in its wake  
never left a gaping hole in my chest  
bending every fiber of my being to your will  
losing control over my voice  
under the force of your thrusts  
climax ripping through me  
holding me close, pressing tender kisses  
it's too intimate but i don't stop you  
not even when your lips find me  
over and over and over  
voice low in my ear, nose buried in your neck  
you make me deliriously happy  
talking about everything and nothing  
ignoring the screams of conscious  
ignoring the stabbing of discomfort  
ignoring the voice in my head  
reminding me of what i'm doing  
and imagining a life where i met you first  
our fingers laced together on the drive back  
i don't want to let go  
squeezing my hand, thumb running over my skin  
telling me that it's late, that i should get inside  
swallowing "i don't want to"  
letting the misery loose on my face  
bitterness in the way you detangle our hands  
in the way you kiss me for a second too long  
whispering "go"  
head tilted back with a storm in your eyes  
leaving with a sickening bliss in the heart


	18. sweet lies

we locked eyes and she smiled at me  
i couldn't smile back, couldn't force myself to  
like she could  
both miserable but neither facing the truth  
no love, no affection, no happiness  
staying together only for comfort  
we don't want this  
these sweet lies that we tell  
i say that i love her  
while screaming for change on the inside  
couldn't even tell if she did love me  
books filled with torn pages  
walls build up around us  
protecting us from each other  
i want to tell the truth  
but she won't hear it  
we aren't happy together but we can't face it  
we're both scared of loneliness  
with aching hearts we let it go  
with kisses and fake smiles  
playing along until we break  
maybe if we pretend long enough  
one day we'll love each other  
we'll keep telling sweet lies


	19. i just wanted...

there's much I want to get off my chest  
been fed pretty and ugly lies  
spend my days looking over my shoulder  
to the past i wish i could forget  
they say: "it's in the past, move on, get over it."  
given everything to the wrong people  
wishing that I never gave them anything  
my body and soul wasn't enough  
bent over backwards, stuck my neck on the line  
sacrificing every little piece of me for you  
but you couldn't help but step all over me  
i wasn't enough to satisfy you  
so you went out  
looking for someone to warm your bed for the night  
i wasn't worthy of your love  
that's what you told me  
as you blamed me for the demons in my head  
i tried to walk away but you wouldn't let me  
always turning the page, going on and on  
about how i was your angel  
the light in your darkest places  
copy and pasting every apology  
and i fell for it every time  
letting you do whatever you wanted to me  
i just wanted to be loved


	20. i wish...

watching television, feeling like inside it  
making a movie of every book i read  
so bubbly and lively, putting smiles on peoples faces  
but it's all a lie, a distraction  
the light engulfed in darkness  
it no longer exists  
I'm detached and empty  
losing connection to what I was  
I feel scattered and abandoned  
sitting in my lonely dark room  
flashes of what it was haunt my mind  
so many i wish i could share  
so many words hidden in me  
wished i could let them out  
there's a war in my mind  
between staying and fighting  
and going and be in peace  
the silence surrounding me  
drains and suffocates  
things i'll never say  
trapped forever in  
forgotten lands of emotion  
i wish i was myself again


End file.
